The misery

This drug-induced haze is annoying. I hate it. I hate all of these tranquilizers and sedatives. All of this to deal with an asshole ex-husband and his new whore. I can't take it. I hate where I live, I hate the loneliness of single parenthood. I feel so wound up, uptight, unhappy. I read that benzodiazepines just make you more depressed. I don't think I'm going to take the Ativan anymore and just take the Klonopin for anxiety everyday, maybe Ambien at night if I can't sleep. Maybe keep the Zyprexa where it's at at 5 mg because I need the mood stabilization of it. I can't bear not waking up in time to do the things I need to do for the day. I just want to lay in bed and cry, writhe, and stare at the ceiling. I'd give anything for a few days to just do that but now I don't get a break from the kids ever because of the restraining order against him and the sheer impossibility of dealing with her. Work is so tedious, boring, and the day seems to drag on and on but I need the money so bad. So many things weighing heavy on my mind right now. Things I need to buy. Christmas is coming. I hate Christmas. It's the worst holiday ever. Add that Kaia's birthday is right around the corner and Thanksgiving is coming and I work, and it's just plain horrid. Anyway, it's nice to vent. I feel the need to socialize more in real life with people. Bars, clubs, restaurants, whatever. Bowling alleys? However people meet people that isn't online. I'm not a dater. I don't know how to date. So all of this is so new to me. Anyway, I better get back to work. I hope I make it through the work day but right now I just wanna go to bed. :(