Black cloud

I'm not doing well emotionally at all. Still losing, very very slowly. Not getting in the protein but still taking vitamins. Not getting enough water. Drinking REGULAR soda. Yep, I said it and admit it. Not even dumping off of it. I want my money back. I feel like I've failed this surgery and it's really sad and hard for me but there is so much going on for me right now financially, physically, emotionally. I am almost at the point of losing my kids and that, I'm afraid, is the most important thing in my life right now and I am focusing on that. I have to do what I have to do. I'm taking lots of Ativan and Ambien at night to sleep. I'm a nervous wreck. I've missed my bariatric follow up appointments. My life is in chaos and shambles. My car is falling apart and I live in the middle of nowhere. I'm so broke I can barely buy the kids food, much less protein powders. I am really struggling right now. I hope God shows me some mercy soon. I'm to the point of almost feeling I need to be in the psych ward. I don't feel like myself. I hope this lets up. :(