Going out

Went out to Gabby's last night and had a miserable time. Guys never talk to me or approach me. Nikki always commands a lot of attention, even from the guys I have my eye on. It's hard. I sat in the corner and cried until a guy came up and insisted I hung with him but I said no, no, and left. I have no fun at Gabby's anymore. I just stood on the side of the dancefloor with my beer, looking lonely and desperate. It's not a good healthy place for me to be or go anymore. There is no one there that is going to be decent for me. I'm starting to wonder if there is anyone anywhere meant for me. I'm so sick of being alone.

The kids are at Des's. I'm home alone and all I wanna do is sleep. I'm so tired and worn out. I'm emotionally drained. Literally. The situation with Bo is annoying. It felt like Nikki was jealous of that from the beginning and tried to sabotage it and decided to and did it. Then she's still fuckin around with Cheeks and he's sooooooooooooo ugly and boring! She wants to be the wifey one while I sit around and look stupid. Mission accomplished.

I'm sick of dealing with Des and Nicole. Sick of life in general. I can't even trust my best friend. I can't trust my grandma....what if she was the one to call child protection? I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and it's scary. i miss my kids but know they have fun over there and I need time to grieve my life. I'm behind at work, behind at school, things are not good. Lord, give me some mercy and a chance to make it right.